Managing New Old Grief

A new year has arrived.  For many, this brings pressure to set goals or make “resolutions.”  For others, it invites reflection. 

In numerology, 2025 marked the completion of a nine-year cycle - a time when we shed old identities and completed unfinished business. Read more about this here.

And if you didn’t do all that in 2025?  That’s okay.  Much of this work happens quietly, without our awareness. 

As I look back over the past nine years—since 2016—I’m struck by how much has unfolded in my own life. 2016 began with a cancer diagnosis, followed by months of treatment. It was a difficult time, and it also revealed something profound: how much care and love exists in the world. Friends and family traveled near and far to sit with me during chemotherapy—six long hours at a time. With no internet to distract us, we talked, reminisced, and simply connected. Those moments became something I unexpectedly looked forward to.

During this same nine-year span, all of my children left the nest. This was a grief I anticipated. What I did not expect was the complicated grief that emerged as each of them passed the age I was when my mother died. My own launch into adulthood looked very different. My mother died the summer I graduated from high school, which prohibited me from going away to college.  I had no blueprint for mothering children through this stage of their lives, since I never experienced it myself.

I also got divorced after 35 years of marriage.  Besides losing my primary relationship, I said goodbye to the family home, traditions and shared identity.  The profound grief of divorce deserves its own space. Stay tuned.

The recent deaths of our family pets, Buster and Belle, have also shaken me deeply. To anyone who has lost a pet—I see you. Pet loss is real and painful. They give so much and ask so little in return.

Enough for reflection - let’s talk resolutions.  This year, I will let go of what no longer serves me.  I will spend more time with those I love. I will continue to help others on their grief journey, and I will remind myself to nurture my mind, body, and soul—through books, exercise, walks with friends, and needlepoint.

What are your reflections?

Are your resolutions those that will  nurture your mind, body and soul?  Let me know, I’d love to hear from you. allison@neworleansgriefcenter.com